I'd like to offer little holiday gifts here and there on my blog. Forgive me if forgiveness is needed: here is my first offering:
So this woman goes to the doctor and among other things informs him that every time she sneezes, she has a mini-orgasm. The doctor asks if she's taking anything already for her condition. She says, Yes, pepper.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Funny thing, how gratitude seems to work.
I am thinking through the lens of gratitude more and more; thankful for what is and not spending a lot of time lamenting or worrying. It is definitely an easier way to be.
This is my approach for the holidays. So far so good.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
I am back in Provincetown. JB and I pass this scene merely driving from one place to another. I don't know why the gulls and ducks were so active today: I don't know this because I have ALOT to learn about the sea.
I do know that light bounces off the water in the most stunning ways here at the land's end, and the skies are almost always spectacular. I always think of my Mother when I look up because she never fails to comment on the sky and the clouds.
The only time she ever flew with me, probably only the second time she ever flew anywhere, she looked out the plane window to the clouds below us. In total innocence and amazement she said,
"I never knew they were two skies."
Several people nearby on the plane smiled at us so sweetly. I remember that so clearly.
This little girl named Reese will be in my life for the rest of my life. There is not a word for how delighted I am every time I see her again. She is now four months old and I still think she is an old soul. And as happy as I've ever seen a human being be. Her brothers crawl over her, kiss her sometimes even roughly, hold her on the couch while they eat popcorn and watch tv. She has great parents and great brothers, just for starts in life. All the difference….
And finally, tonight, I am officially into the holiday season. Be prepared when you visit here that I might be talkin' holiday. The last two days JB and I have been shopping. I am not normally a shopper, not one bit. We went to Target and made very fun choices in the toy department. Got my mother a soft sweater. Bought some shiny fake christmas branches and berries and leaves to put in the window boxes in in Ptown. That will happen tomorrow. Instant decorating: my favorite kind.
I would like to have a gift away. But I don't know what I have to give away. Please help me with suggestions. I am serious. :^) Heck, I might give you something just because you helped me give something away.
What I really think of the holiday season is as always I am concentrating extra hard for a month to reach out, love out loud, count blessings, and bake cookies.
You are each certainly invited along.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
I love Christmas even when I can't.
I love the music, the scents, the lights, the gift giving (more than the getting), the baking and cooking, the get togethers, and an internal satisfied feeling inside me that switches on every year just before Thanksgiving.
Last May I stopped my work of five years; for the first time in my adult life, I would rely on a government social security check and no longer let income factor into most things I might choose.
In July I had knee surgery and all summer into fall I've been (re)learning to no longer hobble.
This week I went back to work, of sorts. I will consult for an industry where I feel at home and am regarded and respected. And in minutes I will leave for a board of directors meeting whee I have been invited to serve for the rest home where my mother lived for five years.
I am toying with developing personal growth workshops (again), maybe held in Provincetown with JB and I arranging accompanying meals for 8-10 people at a time.
I am well behind finishing my second book but it must not yet be time.
I now have four grandchildren ages six and under and I find that a blessing and a responsibility. I am indescribably grateful for each of them. And for my Jess. And for her happy marriage to a good man.
Tonight I will write out a list of people I want to see during the Christmas holidays and experiences I wish to have. I am more ambitious this time of year: I design our holiday cards, I bake and decorate cookies and miniature cakes, I write, I shop, I putter, I straighten out my desk.
Picture that my current life became a blank canvass early this summer. All of the above is filling that canvass with color and form and placement. Don't get me wrong: I'm unsure as much as I'm hopeful. I'm sixty six years old; I feel much younger; I feel wise and sure footed; and I know things could go very wrong in a flash. I know good people get sick and sometimes die.
These nights I am falling asleep with reason to worry and reason to exalt. That's the way it is. And unlike my past selfs, I am thinking less and ambivilizing (my own made up word!) less. I have time to use in a different way, without a fixed schedule and with advance thoughtfulness.
So not tonight after all, but tomorrow, I will write out my hopes and plans for my holiday. I'll start with cooking a turkey and making an apple pie for Thanksgiving.
I'll remind myself to think less and live more. I will say thank you even if that simple act is in reality not quite so simple.
Friday, November 15, 2013
I haven't been able to write about this.
This is the last photo I took of Chase, before we turned him over to a very kind man and his wife and their three greyhounds and one son, in a process called 'surrender.' They will foster Chase until another family wants him. They may end up keeping him as their own. We hope so.
That is what we did: we stopped trying and surrendered. My ego wants you to know I have never given up on a dog and never returned one. We did try.
Too many things didn't work: Chase began to howl several times a night. JB does not do well woken up like that every night. He hated going to Provincetown: he willed himself not to leave the house for up to 24-30 hours and he was traumatized being there even days afterward. Most days he slept most of the time and rarely got us to greet us. We weren't sure how much we mattered to him. His teeth are in bad shape and sometimes he wouldn't eat.
We got his seizures under control but sometimes he would startle or freeze and we sometimes noticed a thick siliva from his mouth. We really questioned, and maybe still do, a head injury as a result of a known collision on the racetrack. He needed five pills two times a day, we arranged an animal communicator to 'talk' with Chase; she told us he is in too much pain to care much about us.
He stopped going on walks. He was not happy. Nor were we.
We are relieved. That's the truth. I try not to think about Chase too much right now. We've talked to the very nice man about once a week and he tells us Chase is doing great. He says and we agree that he needs to be with other dogs. A highlight of life at the track was greyhounds together as a family, even though they were probably in crates a good deal of the time.
He told us last week that Chase has just been diagnosed with Cups disease; horrible inflamation and infection in his mouth. All his teeth will be removed next week.
We feel terrible about that. The very nice man says he has seen greyhounds without teeth before and that Chase will be fine.
JB is not ready for another dog. Probably I'm not either. In time, that will change. I have vowed to do my part in rescuing dogs as much as I can in life. It's tough to admit that we were not able or willing to do what Chase needed. But it's the truth. He is back with his greyhound family and we are glad for that.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
I am back on my feet: no cane, no pain, more walking. Feeling more like myself and looking ahead.
Thank you for every comment on my book excerpts. I will keep posting snippets until the darn book is finally in publication.
Here in New England the leaves are falling and the temperature has dropped. I am preparing for winter and thinking of holidays. Here are a few suggestions if/when you are in the market for gifts:
1. My friend Tracie's new CD, The Dream. Hopefully this link will take you to the first song on her CD. At $10, with a gorgeous enclosure, it's so worth it for yourself or for somebody's holiday stocking :^)
2. My friend Joss at www.etsy.com/shop/soulbrushart : Her African inspired cards are sold in sets of 8 and are just fantastic. There are four different sets on her Etsy site, along with her original art at affordable prices.
3. My first book: an adult love story. I'll sign it and send it where and when you'd like. It's available on Amazon but if you prefer to order directly from me, you'll pay a sale price of $ 8 plus shipping.
4. Fall is a most beautiful time of year here in New England. JB and I drive the back roads and scenes like this are common.
5. Look what JB and I made for our grandkids! I got the idea from Lo on Facebook (thank you lo) and this weekend they were a huge hit with the under six crowd-- all kinds of candy stuffed into thin gloves I pilfered from my Mother's nursing home :^)
6. I am catching up on so many people and events I've neglected since my surgery. Among this was my 97 year old Godmother's birthday. We took her out for lunch and darling 4 year old Drew wanted to sit beside her. It was all special and I felt great joy.
7. JB took this photo of 14 week old baby Reese. I think this child is an old soul. She is quick to smile and does not cry. My daughter and son-in-law are wonderful parents and it shows.
8. Drew ready for Halloween...
9. The decoration and upgrades in a new beach house in Provincetown continue. We've installed this light over the dining room table. The table and chairs will soon be painted distressed ivory white and we are adding bead board to the wall around the table. What utter fun to make these changes and be able to pay someone else to do the work! We're on a budget but we have enough to put up a fence, fix the brick steps, add railings, paint a room or two. I am feeling very very very very lucky.
10. How to say this? We have returned Chase to the greyhound adoption agency for his placement with a different family: one that has other greyhounds. JB and I have tried everything we could think of but Chase has not been happy with us. He has been inactive and mostly unresponsive almost 23 hours a day, has howled through the night, has seemed lonely and sad. And taking him to Provincetown has been visibly traumatic for him. We know we are not the right family for his needs. So sad but relieved too. He will be placed in a family with at least one or two or three other greyhounds and where his inactivity and history can be supported without making things worse.
We are visiting him on Friday.... :^(
That's my news. Thanks for stopping by. If you don't know already, your visits and comments are Hersey kisses to my grateful soul.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
My writing teacher, who is also my current editor, has advised me many times not to post any part of my second novel on my blog. "It will influence you when it's not good to be influenced," she says.
I'm not sure about that. Perhaps because 500 double spaced unedited pages have already been written. And perhaps because for me my blog is a safe haven where people I respect can say whatever and I appreciate that.
Here is another excerpt from the found manuscript of the book that's taking its own sweet time. This is the first person story of Casey Mango, a middle aged, intelligent, confused, at least slightly attractive woman with an equal capacity to soar and sink, sometimes simultaneously:
Joyce was an imposing woman: six feet tall with soft chocolate skin and body language that said, ‘proceed at your own risk.’ The only person of color in the office, she was extremely bright and clearly guarded. Her laugh was rare but deep and infectious and I got a kick from the challenge of wearing down her wall of resistance.
“Come on, Joyce! Be my friend!” I’d tease her.
We met in late August at Brant Rock in Marshfield at a casual restaurant on the beach. My marriage was rocky. It was dusk when we began our shared appetizer of cheese fondue and jet black when we finished our shared chocolate cake.
“How about we walk on the beach?” Joyce asked me. I remember how the moon bounced off the incoming waves, one string of light after another, silver ribbons. We walked to the shoreline and sat beside each other in the sand, the tide stopping just inches in front of us. At that moment and not until that moment, I knew this was a date.
We saw each other two times the following week and the next time after that, at Joyce’s apartment, sitting on her bed, she tossed her fists in the air.
“I can’t control myself any longer,” she said. I knew what she meant.
That first time Joyce and I made love I experienced the first real orgasm of my life. I’d had no idea. It was a rush and ecstasy that carried me out of my body and straight into the cosmos. Shortly afterwards I understood that my passion was apparently triggered by women and knew I was in love with Joyce, who was also in love with me. I stayed with my husband for another six months, carrying on a deeply satisfying and often guilt ridden affair with Joyce, until one evening, buckling under the weight of boredom, I asked him for a separation and he reluctantly moved out the next day.
Joyce and I would continue to shake the planets for the next two years, sometimes two, sometimes three times a day, everyday, until it became clear that I had not removed my husband’s clothes from the bedroom closet and I could not bring myself to ask him for a divorce. Joyce hung in with me through my short lived affair with a young blond California surfer guy; she patiently moved in with Grace and me for several months, and then, just after Jimmy Carter lost the election, she left me for a woman she had met at work. I never saw it coming and I was in full disbelief for weeks and months and then years. I’d never doubted Joyce, not for a second.
That’s what happens, I think, when you grow up believing you can bend your will.
Your comments and feedback are welcomed and appreciated. But don't tell my writing teacher.