Animal Wednesday: Emily's Rabbit's New Year Resolutions

Hello everyone, it's me, Emily. I am sitting here on kj's computer ready to write out my New Year's Revolutions. I don't usually do that but this year I have been motivated because I have this story that I write every week and I got arrested this last year and then I had fun on vacation with my friends Gregory Squirrel and Muck, Truck and F--k Duck (kj told me I can't say that word on her blog but isn't that ridiculous because that is F--k Duck's name and it's not his fault his mother named him that so it's certainly not my fault that is his name).

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Anyway, here are my New Year's Revolutions:

.1. Exercise my legs and feet more so when I fall on the floor crying and kicking my feet in the air I will have more strength and be able to do it for longer because the longer I cry and have a temper tantrum like that the more likely I might end up getting my way, although this doesn't always work because sometimes I end up getting punished, but I still think it's a good idea to have strong legs and feet just in case.

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2. Save some money that no one else knows about and don't spend any of it on jellybeans because then if I am ever arrested again (it was not my fault!) I will be able to pay my own bail money and then kj won't be able to lecture me that I should not have had a temper tantrum in front of the Church Board Members and then the Police Officers. (That wasn't my fault either and really it was not fun when I was arrested because I got scared even though I tried not to show it).

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3. Get that Marshmallows pellet gun that kj's friend Susan suggested and practice shooting marshmallows instead of frozen peas and brussels sprouts all the time. If the marshmallows don't sound as good when they hit something, tham the same part of this revolution is that I will experiment with new frozen vegetables, like long carrots or sliced green peppers (spears maybe?). You can't always get frozen peas, you know: you might think that it is easy for me to come up with the right frozen vegetables all the time but the truth is I have to work at it sometimes and if I had a wider variety it would be easier for me especially when I was mad and had to throw something fast.

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4. I am going to give lessons on how to roll down hills because I can tell too many people are too uptight and probably out of shape and even worse, total scardy cats to start rolling anywhere, not in the living room or on the bed or even in the bathtub, let alone down a hill. So I am thinking I might charge a small fee which I will put in my secret savings (see above get-out-of-jail fund) and show everyone who wants to learn how to loosen up and roll roll roll. If you think this is a bad idea, ask yourself how many times you worry when you could be rolling down a hill instead and that will tell you the right answer.

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5. I am going to always be nice to my best friend Marianne., who is always nice to me even though her family thinks she is strange to be friends with a rabbit, especially best friends. I sent her a mug for Christmas and I knew she would like it and she did. She put it in her cabinet with her dishes and I think it will make her smile every time she sees it because who else would you think of but me when you look at this mug? Besides, when she has hot chocolate in it she will see my little ears pop up and won't that be the most fun?

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6. If any one hurts my feelings next year I am going to immediately stomp my feet and tell them they are mean. If that doesn't work I am going to ask them to apologize because they hurt my feelings. If that doesn't work I am either going to cry (just little whimpers at first) or yell at them to get lost until they can be nice to me. If that doesn't work I am going to either cry (loud from my stomach at this point) or I am going to just leave and tell myself I do not deserve to have any one who isn't nice to me around me. I think this is very good advice for not just me so you might think about adding this to your New Year's Revolutions too.

7. I am going to ask everyone in kj's neighborhood if I can just take the carrots and radishes from their gardens whenever I want to so I won't have to steal them. If they say no, see # 6 above.

8. I am also thinking about giving lessons on how to tell certain people (it might work on animals too, I'm not sure) how to get lost, take a hike, disappear, go to hell even (I hope kj does not read this because I think this is a swear word too, right?) Even though I am more sensitive than you might think, I know my limits and I don't mind being nice to myself especially when someone else should be nice to me but they are not, so what else can you do in that situation except blame yourself or tell the other person to get lost etc. Even though I am little I think it is not very good for me to blame myself too much, right? So if you want lessons let me know, but maybe if you just practice this first you won't even need lessons.

9. Another revolution is that I would like to learn to throw pots and pans against walls. And maybe eggs too.

10. And my last revolution for 2010, only because I am not 100% selfish, just 90%, is that kj gets everything she wants: that her friend Renee has a healthy year, that there is peace in Iran, that kj's lost friend decides she doesn't have to pretend anymore that they didn't love each other, that kj finishes her second book, and that kj's family and friends prosper and are silly. (kj wants alot, don't you think?, but I don't mind making a revolution for her this one time.)

Oh, I am not going to draw who wins me as a guest columnist until next week. I know I am putting it off but sometimes even little rabbits get preoccupied. Oh, and another thing, if you want to tell me the word is "Resolutions" and not "Revolutions", that is okay but I still like my way better.

I hope everyone has a Happy New Year.

Yours truly,

Emily Rabbit

The Best Gifts

What did I get for Christmas? Can you tell by my smile that I liked it all?

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This was a different Christmas for me. I am starting a new life, really. As dramatic as that sounds, it's true. Not on the outside, maybe, but I have been cracked open--my heart--and there's no stuffing the passion that's spilled out back inside. I wouldn't want to and I can't.
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So this Christmas I knew it was up to me to make it whatever I hoped for.
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I started with my clients. No, that is not true. I started with
Renee.
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Julie Ann came up with this idea of a collective love fest of holiday gifts to Renee. We sent out some emails and left secret messages on her friends' old posts, and by the time the mailing 'deadline' came round, almost 40 of us had sent gifts and cards to my home here at # 9, where I would send them on to this wonderful wise woman in Winnipeg.
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Preparing Renee's We-Treasure-You chest was the easiest act of love I will ever do. This huge box was filled to the brim, packages from Ireland and Malaysia and England and Australia and Canada and across the United States, from California to Rhode Island. It was the easiest act of love I will ever do. It filled me with an endless Christmas spirit that I still feel right this minute.
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And then my clients. I am a traveling Psychotherapist these days: I see an even number of children and adults in their homes or schools, sometimes in the front seat of my car.
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My clients are notably poor, often traumatized and neglected in ways that no one should ever endure. All my adult clients have been wounded as children, and their pain is often just as current as the children who are also my clients, who are in foster care, many without the love and protection of a Mother or Father.

It would have been easy for Christmas to be pretty depressing in this circumstance. But that is not how it came down for me. For one thing, Debra Kay sent me this amazing box of toys and toiletries and games and books and I got to give them to 2 year old Jacob, 4 year old Angelina, 6 year old Mac, 10 year old Daisy, 17 year old Frannie, 48 year old Alice. (the names are made up, I don't like that but I have to.)
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And Mim gave me two winter coats in perfect condition. Those went to Daisy's mother, and you should have seen her giddiness trying them on.
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And then there was Emily's auction. Thanks to art auctions by
Marianne and Caroline, and straight out contributions by many heart sisters and blog friends, we raised $ 400 for the summer program (acting lessons) of a 13 year old girl who, if things fall right, will be the first and only in her family and community to make it to college, to become a mechanical engineer, to live and work in Japan as a Cartoon Animator. That is her dream, to be able to pursue that, to live like that.
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So you can see that the spirit of Christmas started early and strong for me. But there is more.
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I knew my holidays had begun when I sat in my friend Lolo's studio and dining room a few weeks ago and we shared presents and she fixed lunch for us and she showed me some computer graphic tricks. It is a special treat to have a friend who is so talented and artistic. Mim and I pulled off a surprise that day: Mim, who could not make our trip to Provincetown with Debra Kay, showed up at Lolo's door, a face to face surprise for three women who were clearly friends long before they stood in the same room and breathed the same air.
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And my mailbox this year. For some reason every card and every call was special and heartfelt. I love catching up with old friends this way, but this year I was bestowed with cards and gifts from my friends born from the blogs, and every greeting was a total treat. On each envelope I looked at the handwriting with delight: ah! that is how Baino writes! Oh, what a lovely message from Renee! OMG, Mim hand painted that card for me! Oh Babs, can you ever paint! Oh Angela, those angels--oh thank you so much Angela. And Lori, didn't we laugh from the first second--what a gift that was! I could go on. The mail person and the gods and godesses brought me very special gifts this year, very very special gifts.
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But let me now tell you about my very favorite present this year. It was not a present for me at all, but a present I gave. To JB. It was a present first given to me by a woman I adore, my beloved friend Valerie Walsh who one day asked me why I was looking at all her old posts and Illustration Fridays, asked me outright if I was looking for one for the cover of my book, then asked me if she could do me the honor of painting something original for the cover, a gift from her in honor of my first book, she said, anything I wanted.
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This Christmas Val chose the frame and matting and I surprised JB with this original painting of her Magic Cottage, the same cottage that is in our side yard--JB's studio--and that is the incredibly beautiful cover of my first published book. I wanted to include a picture of this painting but I couldn't get the brilliant aqua frame to stop looking blue. Another time, surely.
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Oh Val, I keep holding the painting in my hand and I am in awe. It is beautiful in every way. Thank you, friend. ♥
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And here's the last best part. It started when JB opened Val's painting. My son-in-law Mike looked at it and said, 'Wow.' And Jessica said 'Wow'. And then I had put six of Lolo's cards in Mike's stocking, and given JB a framed shot of her in the kitchen, the morning shadow hitting her just right. And I talking about Marianne's mandalas, Tessa's calender, Mim's Ms. Em. And more.
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Just before Jess left for her own home I showed her a beautiful ATC mandala painting Marianne had given me for my birthday, and I could tell she loved it. I whisked up one of the two black 2 x3 frame JB had just given me in my stocking and I handed both to Jess. "Take it," I said. "I want you to have it."
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Jess looked at the little painting, smiled, and said, "I wish I had some artists like this in my life."
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That was the best part. The best gift ever. A certain way of seeing, of loving and sharing, a way of living fully and passionately-- is being handed to my daughter. Of all my presents this holiday season, that is the best one.
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Thank you, all, so much for being part of my new life. Please don't think I have arrived anywhere advanced or self actualized or problem-free, because I am a bona fide searcher, just feeling my way, trying the best I can. Probably just like you....
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Love

kj ♥

The Days After...

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How was your Christmas? Mine was better than expected. It started off by appreciating that I had managed to buy and give the gifts I wanted to without malls and without fuss. I did the best I could and I felt good about all of it.

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Not all of the gifts I gave or received were tangible or material or gift wrapped. Some were simply kind acts, experiences, some were cards or messages I put together with my own hand, others were the best of all: time.

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My Christmas officially began Christmas Eve. Our friends arrived and we had the most wonderful dinner: first cheese fondue with french bread, and then fondue again, this time shrimp, chicken, steak, each piece dipped in either chili sauce or sour cream with curry, or soy. And a salad with Great Nama's balsamic dressing (the secret is the salt). Yum!

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There is snow on the ground here and it is cold. But the sun is here too. And look at this moss on my walkway. I love moss.

Our friends stayed over night and the next morning other friends came over too and we all had a fine breakfast together. JB and I were totally behind the 8 ball wrapping gifts and we really had no time because we were joining my mother for Christmas Lunch at her rest home and Jessica and her family were due to arrive at 2 PM. Yikes!
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But my friend Marsha sat with me and we somehow managed to get everything wrapped. I have the best friends. I've said it before and it's so totally true.



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I wish I had brought my camera to the Rest Home. It was amazing. There are 30 residents there, my Mom included. Each has her/his own room and the food is home cooked and served family style. Guests are invited at all times and there is no charge.
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The menu was turkey with all the fixings and baked stuffed shrimp. My Jessica had asked for baked stuffed shrimp to be on our menu Christmas Night and I had bought jumbo shrimp to oblige. But I've never made this before, and time was going to be tight.
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I asked the Rest Home if I could buy some of the already made shrimp because there was a ton of it. Instead, they wrapped up a dozen for me and said "merry Christmas'. That was another of my special gifts this year.







My family and I began our celebration on Christmas day and it extended until the next day.

I totally love it when Jess and Mike and Mr. Ryan and Baby Drew are here with JB and me.
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It is the most special time.
. JB & my Mom

Ryan loved his presents, he actually calmly opened one at a time. He slept with JB and me that night, on the floor for the first time in a sleeping bag and not a pack and play, along with the two dogs--a real slumber party. He woke us up at 5 am, and I have not recovered yet, having had too little sleep for several nights before.
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But was it all worth it. We are a family who
enjoys being together. We opened presents,
played with the kids, had a grown up meal Christmas night when the boys were sleepily in bed.

Seeing Jess and my Mother together almost always brings me to tears. They love one another so totally. Jess and I headed over to the Rest Home the next morning, without the kids, so she and my Mom could just spend time together.




Ryan got these sunglasses for Christmas. He thinks he is very cool with them on, but what he cared most about was going to the window with them on to see how things looked outside. It was too grey a day to satisfy his curiosity, so we used his flashlight, which worked just fine.


And baby Drew: now eight months old, laid back and charming. He smiles almost all the time. And he crawls--man, does he crawl.

I am on vacation for all of next week. JB and I have already to planned to see three movies; along with Marsha we're going to Mohegan Sun in Connecticut to play the slot machines (a near orgasmic experience for me, even though I almost always lose); we'll celebrate the holiday with our sister friend Liz.

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And it seems we will have some good friends here for New Year's Eve. We will do a gourmet pot luck of sorts so the food will be fantastic and we will laugh our heads off into the wee hours.

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I still find myself saying that I've missed someone this holiday, and it's likely that's the way it will continue to be, but I make a practice to send a quiet hello and healing wishes in my prayers each morning. That comforts me somehow. And compared to last Christmas--I know I am so much better than I was then.

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One last thing: one of the most special parts of this holiday season, without doubt, is the connections I have made through blogging. I've received and shared cards and gifts and special well wishes and each has contributed to my holidays in the most wonderful ways.

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And 2010? Here's hoping....

If We Only Have Love

Merry Christmas

I don't often post music on my blog but if you have a few minutes at some point today, I hope this Jacques Brel song might remind you that we are the change we seek in the world.

Thank you for being part of my life. This Christmas, more than any other, I am beginning my holiday with my heart sisters and blog friends in my mind. The truth is that I didn't want Christmas morning to come without saying hello, without wishing all who come here a blessed and abundant day on this holy day.

And to my moon sister Renee, look at us! Here we all are: letting love lift us each up, living strong, all of us, together. We are the miracle. You'll see.

Love

kj ♥

Thursday 13: the Christmas Edition

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas....

.When you read this it will be Christmas Eve. I hope I will be able to drop in here and at some of your blogs over the next couple of days. I wish my heart sisters (and heart brothers) a blessed and grateful and abundant Holiday, where ever you are, whatever you do, with who ever you are with nor not with. Let's continue to hold each other's hands as we have this year.

. Here's a bit of what I've been up to this week:
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1. Look what showed up in my mailbox:

. If you can't read the fine print, the 'it' in question is a Marshmallow Shooter and a Marshmallow Blaster, a 'clever pump-action device that shoots marshmallows (and frozen Brussels sprouts) over 30 feet . It comes with an LED sight that projects a safe beam of red light to help locate a target for accuracy for fast non-stop action.

.I have solid evidence that Ms. Emily Rabbit was aided in this request by one Susan Morgan Rogers, an interesting impish woman who has officially become my friend, but who might have to pay for broken windows because she so inappropriately encouraging and abetting Emily.

2. This is the last of my 2009 Show Us Your Bra Calender. Every year in my town local artists paint, sculpt, and otherwise create bra art and all the proceeds support Breast Cancer Research.

Of course the anything-goes breasts from January through December now bring my heart sister and moon sister Renee to my mind, which is always welcomed, even when I worry .

3. HAHAHA! I made her while sitting at a small kitchen table with my 10 year old client, her mother, and two little boys, 6 and 3. I like them all. It's good when a family plays with clay and/or colors together and what am I going to do but encourage and then join them? Actually it's a great way to talk. I remember Bella Sinclair did a post on doodling and how research has proved that people listen and learn better when you doodle.

4. Honest to God, I think I'm the beneficiary of a true blue heart sister friend. I only have two others--Liz and Heather--and to have another good and kind and intelligent woman I can really truly be my own self with, who also makes me laugh and laughs in tune with me, and actually understands what's going on with me; well, how lucky is that? By the way, we met on the blogs just one year ago, and she has all but carried me back from a hard place. Her name is Lolo and I hope she doesn't mind that I am officially outing her as my dearest friend.

5. Near my mother's house and where I grew up is a specialty store named Russo's. Its specialities are fruit, vegetables, fresh flowers, homemade breads and pastries, plants, cheese, and FRESH! raviolis in three fillings. And the prices are cheap cheap. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy the place. I bought some Italian cookies, a holiday bouquet of fresh greens for my Godmother, chocolate, local sausages, Cinnamon bread, apples, pears, did I say chocolate already?

And I bought this tin called Filice. The can said it was a mixture to make stove top old fashion chocolate pudding, but when I got it home and opened it, to my delight it also makes rich awesome hot chocolate. Plus I like the way the tin looks in the kitchen, on top of the Peets' coffee container, and behind the little fish that carry the Splenda.

6. JB writes messages on the back room chalkboard. Sometimes she just writes 'I love you' and sometimes I write back 'me too.' I like to cluster things together, can you tell?

7. I pulled off a really good Holiday weekend. JB and I went back to my Mother's house near Boston, thought more about how to get it ready to rent. We spent a good lunch and shopping around with our niece, took my 93 year old vibrant Godmother out for her choice of Mexican food, I spent some time with a couple of friends I don't see very often.
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I always feel my Father's presence in and around this Cape Cod style six room house he and my Grandfather built with their own hands. This picture of the substantial community of birds that live in my parents' front yard bushes looks darker and more ominous than it did when I took it. Sometimes I wonder if my Father came back right away as a bird or a flower.

8. I planted three paper white bulbs and they're blooming at the perfect time. I know the scent is not the greatest, but I find it so affirming to watch them grow.

9. The newest ornament on the tree: you can't see the glow green glitter than this girl came with.

She cost six dollars: one of those gifts to myself or others that make me feel like I just bought the bargain of the century. I love a good bargain.

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1o. This time of year I am buying groceries like there's no tomorrow. JB and I are cooking four meals for three sets of people over two days. The menu includes:

pineapple cheese and brie with crackers

cheese and meat/shrimp fondue

mixed greens salad

chocolate Christmas tree cakes

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coffee cake

Cinnamon bread

honey dew melon with strawberries

bacon

eggs (only if desired)

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chocolate cream pie

roast beef with roasted potatoes

mashed potatoes

green beans

candied carrots

butternut squash

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repeat breakfast

always coffee

The kitchen counters are jammed with food.

11. These are the hands across from me on a clear Wednesday afternoon, when I drove to Rhode Island to celebrate the holidays with two new and terrific friends. "Ah, they know me and like me anyway," I thought to myself. For some time, I had a friend--I dearly loved her--and we just couldn't get along, so to have easy old-shoe comfortable friendships is quite a blessing for me.

12. Deborah of Midlife Poet made this yummy Christmas ornament. The only reason anyone would resist eating it right up is because it would break your teeth in a flash. Thank you very much, Deborah. It will be on my tree for many years and I will always think of you.

13. And look again at what I get to do with some of my clients. I've used Magic Model here, which is so easy to work with and totally clean on your hands. Sometimes I wonder if I might buy some real clay and a couple of sculpting tools. Nothing to serious though! Nothing even too much in focus!!

13 A (hee hee) My friend Willa gave me these little reindeer candles for Christmas one year and I'm always glad to see them again. Willa was one of my best friends and she died a few years ago, not fair. Like Renee, Willa had a hundred best friends. When we all met each other we were shocked that so many people thought of themselves as Willa's best friend.

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I miss her even more this time of year. If she were alive, she would have taken me to heart healing workshops this past year. She would have read my tarot cards. She would have made better and higher sense of what seems like betrayal. She would be part of my healing.

Hey Willa! Are you up there! I need a couple of favors.

&heart;

Merry Merry Christmas.

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Happy Happy New Year.

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I hope some surprising warmth curls right up in your lap during the next few days, if only for a second or two, I hope it's obvious you are not alone and never could be.

Thank you for the best gift of all. There is nothing that comes even close to friendship, in its many forms.

P. S. It's late. I can't adequately proof for mistakes or better layout. It's more important that I get this posted. So if you happen to function as my faithful proofreader, please cut me a break on this one. Thank you.

Animal Wednesday: Holiday Wishes from Emily Rabbit

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PEAS ON EARTH
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Hello, it's me Emily.

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This week I just want to tell you not to let anyone push you around

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or make you feel guilty

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or hurt your feelings

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or be mean to you

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or make you do something you don't want to do

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or eat all the jellybeans

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or tell you you aren't nice

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or pretend they like you

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or blame you for something they did

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or just talk about themselves

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or not laugh at your jokes

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or refuse to roll down hills

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or complain all the time

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or make fun of you

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or tell you the world has gone to hell in a teapot.

(I heard kj say that once. I don't know what it means but hopefully you do)

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If you follow these instructions you will have a nice holiday.

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If you don't whatever happens is not my fault.

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Merry Christmas and try to be nice.

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But most of all you have to have fun.

It's okay to complain and whine if it makes you feel better

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Sincerely Yours and Happy New Year,

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Emily Rabbit

Holiday Thoughts

Do you mind if we talk about the holidays as the mixed bag of emotions and memories that connect our past and present, no matter how we try to keep it simple?

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Simple? I welcome the holidays, but they are not simple. I appreciate the glitter and festivity and sharing and and extra doses of kindness that come more easily this time of year. I am definitely part of that: you will find plenty of Christmas cheer here on my blog and it will be genuine.

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But that is not the whole story, and I don't like the idea of prettying things up when so many of us--myself included--have a bittersweet approach to Christmas, Holidays, the New Year. So maybe if I fess up to that it might make it easier for someone else.

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Sometimes the blogs can make our lives look too damn easy. It's hard enough putting up with perfection on television and in magazines. I don't want to perpetuate the myth of perfection here. So if you don't mind bearing with me I'm going to tell you about my holidays.
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I have a loving family and they will be with me over Christmas. I take my time shopping and selecting tiny and sometimes major presents for my family and friends. I never (rarely) go to malls, and I am almost done with everything except the wrapping. I feel good about the presents I am giving this year.

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On Christmas Eve my dear friends Mike and Clara and their daughter Dani will drive two hours to get here and we will celebrate over a fine meal and wicked desserts as we have for twenty plus years.

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I see my friends this time of year. We plan get-togethers, catch up on news, share special gifts, give and recieve the gift of time.

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The blogs and my friends there have become amazing . I'm getting cards and good wishes from all over the world, and I can say I am truly blessed with special relationships that I'll have for a life time.

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I am healthy, my mother is happily settled near by in a wonderful rest home, money is finally not a problem, and I love my work.
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And yet:
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Last year at this time I was as depressed as I have ever been in my life.

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I have written about the loss (dissolution) of an important relationship and I have promised myself that I will not continue to lament it here or any more than I have to in my own mind. This is not someone who has treated me and the 'we-that-we-were' kindly in the dissolution. And yet try as I might the love hasn't gone anywhere. I think one day it will just settle somewhere in a corner of my heart and I will remember all the reasons we loved one another. And at this time of year: I hope she has an amaryllis in her house.

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I have never been so aware of illness and fragility and loss. I worry about my friends Marsha and Renee, I watch my Mom try hard to hold on to her memories. I witness my beloved Jessica now with her own family and I understand that I will always continue to care about her as if she were still ten years old, except it will be from afar much of the time, and I hope she will not ever be burdened taking care of me.

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I am so fortunate and yet sometimes I feel lost.

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I will soon write another post about my holidays and in it I will talk about my festivities and wild wonderful fun, all of which is also true. But today I wanted to say it's not all sweetness and light, not always a bowl of chocolate covered cherries.....and that's alright.

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Love

kj ♥