Monday, September 15, 2014

Mish Mash in a Nutshell

Blah to my last post. Too serious for the times. I've had a very good summer and I'm ready for a New England fall. I'm writing daily in-between and aside from some consulting work, yard care, laundry, family, the nightly news and trips to Provincetown. 

Tonight I'm just thinking out loud:


This drives me crazy. Why is it so hard for so many people to use 'your' and 'you're' correctly. You're means you are. So you don't say 'your so lucky.' Please pass it on. It will make some folks seem instantly smarter. 


In an alley way in Provincetown, this woman from 1906 lies unobtrusively lies in front of the Atlantic House, a well known gay men's bar and a great place to dance.  She is not well known or well visited, but once seen, who could resist her?


Ahh the beach at low tide.  I took this shot one block--one block!--from our new house in Ptown. I am still orgasmic that we have this house. I still can't figure how it happened.


Said beach.


 Can you pronounce it? I can't. I can and then I forget. If you know a way to remember, please help me.


This was taken last Saturday night: It is the story of friends as far back as junior high school getting back together. Most of these folks I have not been in touch with for forty plus years. But we didn't miss a beat. There is something good to be said for being known.

That's all. I'm good. Because I'm riding the horse in the direction she's going. I hope you are too.

love
kj

Sunday, September 14, 2014

"Hard Friends"



Before I tell you my own story I hope you will consider sharing with me and others a time when someone has nudged your life in this way; someone who you were destined to love and learn from.
My family won't like my choice. My friends won't either.

There are people who reconfigure your life in ways that nurture and exalt and others who blow things to holy hell and leave you wondering how or why any of it could have happened.

Someone hurt me so deeply I wasn't sure I would recover. I might have hurt her deeply too but that I will not know: her words have dripped with so much vilification and vehemence toward me that I believe she walked away without conscience and without a glance.

We met in 2006 and crashed in 2009.  For a time after that she was clear and public on these blogs that she viewed me with disgust and contempt. I've had relationships end but never like this one.

I've come to understand well more than I did then. There were many concerns: convention, politics, geography, culture, religion, sexuality, and I dare say mutual psychological issues. I don't miss the Rush Limbaugh demonizing and I don't miss the crazy push and pull of my emotions. I do miss the wild impromptu fun and provocation, the art and mail and passion and affirmations.

The bad was so bad. 

But.  I  cracked open. I became more myself, not as dependent on the opinions of others or life on the edge. I'm calmer and I finally know how to think as much as feel. I don't jump into any relationships the way I used to and I take my time before I commit my time or a hand or my heart. I'm not disappointed so often and when I am, I know that sometimes things just don't work out. I know when a person lacks empathy or quotes Rush Limbaugh arbitrarily that person is not for me.

I also know that I live my life without bitterness. Sometimes I still wait for evidence to bolster my side but mostly I try not to.

To JB and Jessica, you are my North Stars. Your love and  lessons come to me gently from security.  Even still, sometimes I learn by being broken.

So Miss Meanspirited Sunday Painter, thanks for the privilege Anyway I wish you peace. And sometimes I hope somewhere somehow you like me understand more now than then. 

Love
kj




Monday, September 08, 2014

Mish Mash


This summer:


JB & I did three rounds of Artist Trading Cards with eight other women. Each of us had a theme--I did this one for "Animals" (obvious liberty taken on my part, since birds are not animals.) I so rarely use my colored pencils or water colors and I am always happy when I do. 

My Micron pens--I use all the time. If you don't own a Micron, spend $ 3 and buy one. They don't smudge. And their lines are everything you'd want lines (and circles and shapes) to be. :^)


Our peach tree delivered.  I was  impressed.


This is our friend, Barb. She was always fascinating, but has somehow morphed into this fascinating stunning woman. A joy to behold, wouldn't you say?


I drew this for the ATC's--the theme for this one was People. I would say these are the kick-ass Sisterfriends. I can't draw from imagination. I tend to try to copy something, even though I might then make it my own. These three were on a black and white calendar.


My writing friend and I hope forever friend Lora sent me this chart when I publicized my struggle to keep my characters and events and their ages organized. This is the 'organizational chart' for a Harry Potter novel. Aha! I wrote out a chart for myself, vertically from 1947 through 2012. Next to that I put in a title of a scene or a chapter--some event in the book. Horizontally, I put the names of each character (7 of them, including the singer-songwriter John Denver) and added their ages over the years, and what was happening with them.

Something is now clearer in my head. I am starting to thread people and time and place together. I have written 35,000 words and I have to say I am laughing my ass off in parts. I read a chapter to my ferried Liz and she laughed her ass off. Good sign and fun times, writing this book (disclaimer: so far).


I created this graph a while back after I read about the five balls. Four of the balls are made of glass, sufficiently fragile that if you should drop one it can break. But the fifth ball--work: work is a rubber ball. It can bounce. I offer this as a quick lesson in What Matters Most…..

I have some blog visits to catch up on. I will. I am still cursing Facebook for changing too much about my blog. And just about everyone else's too. Still, I cannot even tell you how many actual true blue friends I have made and I will always love from blogging. From all over the world. Fantastic.

love
kj

Friday, August 29, 2014

Ponders & Google



It's a weighty decision whether to chin up to the violence and sadness in the world where buildings and people are blown up or to retreat to the sight of my grandfather's birdbath just outside my kitchen window where I watch all these birds splash their mornings away. Yes I know I can do both and I do. But it's still about what I let into my head and my consciousness and how that then affects the energy I give and receive.

I keep up with the news. Lately I'm likely to write a check or a letter or both in support of the values I believe in. Thanks to Facebook and Utube, I am well more sensitive to the plight of animals and thanks to my age, I am well more able to make choices about my time and efforts.

I am knee deep into writing a novel that will span forty years and god knows how many people. I have 30,000 words done which on average is a third of the length required by publishers. Unlike my first book, there will be back stories and places as characters. The back stories and dates require research and I like that even though plugging it all in accurately and orderly confuses the heck out of me. 

It's the end of August and the air says it's Fall already. I've returned to work until early next spring. I will return to Provincetown in two days after a season of rentals and I'm glad for that. I am laying pavers around my garden here at # 9 and that is such a 'concrete' act it tickles me.

Meanwhile, are you like me? Do you google every day? Multiple times a day? It makes me laugh to think of the index cards I would bring to the library before there was Google; how I would organize my homework and assignments with those index cards and how I would then type each word from the cards onto my typewriter.  Now, I sit at my desk or on my couch and I research the world. I'm doing a lot of research for my novel but also for things small and large that give thanks for my life. This week on Google: 

1. Gay legal employment issues in 2001

2. How a seventeen year old would enter the Sisters of Mercy to become a Nun

3. How to bleach a weathered wood fence

4. The significance of 1969 (JFK, MLK, Bobby Kennedy)

5.  Inexpensive wood enclosed outdoor showers

6. Stand up tents from LL Bean

7. Ordering a copy of 'Patty Jane's House of Curl"

8. What can I give 5 year old Drew and 7 year old Ryan for their first day of school?

9. Researching Meniere's Disease

10. WTF with Iraq, Ukraine, and ISIS

What are the last two things you've googled? I and everyone here would love to know :^)

love love
kj


Sunday, August 03, 2014

Close to Heaven


It meant a lot to me, this week's vacation in Provincetown with my family, and I hoped it would feel like a real vacation for each of us. I hoped it would go well. 

Turned out to be one of best times ever. JB, my daughter Jess, sil Mike, their four kids ages 1 through 7, and a fantastic mother-in-law named Pat--nine of us in all--fit perfectly into our little house by the sea and together and apart we each had enough of everything good. 


 It's a beautiful place--Provincetown. We are located one block from the beach and we walked that block so easily every day. Some days we went to the little beach, some to the wacky Provincetown Inn pool, other times visiting Auntie Heather's family in her nearby motel pool. 

The kids looked for hermit crabs and shells and sea glass and in the company of at least one adult, waded and swam over their heads. 
ryan and drew

We had the most perfect weather.


There was posing in front of murals depicting ptown's early years.


And mid mornings swims and again after afternoon naps. 

reese turns one 
logan
We filled the kiddie shark pool on our deck. 


And sprawled out in the sand.


Floated on crocodiles.


 I cannot describe my deep joy knowing my daughter is happy and loved and so blessed with a wonderful husband and these great precious children.


We collected shells


And drew pictures


We caught some minnows and caught some light


We giggled over lobster rolls and fried clams and fries and chicken tenders


and….hahahaha…I'll let this photo speak for itself.

I'm exhausted. 

And jubilant. 

It might have been my best vacation ever. It was all I hoped for.

Thank you, universe. Thank you so much.

love
kj

Thursday, July 24, 2014

War and Peace


I am stunned by the condition of the world. The bombing of innocent Gaza neighborhoods and the shooting of a plane with vacationers is one more thing this week that leaves me disgusted and fearful  about the way the world is tipping.

Is it because we no longer make eye contact with strangers as we use to? (Instead, we are looking at our phones and laptops.) When did we start seeing immigrants as enemies and how can it be that so many want to send so many children back to a very difficult and in some cases tortuous life?

Somehow we've traveled from a belief of abundance to a belief of scarcity. I use the word 'belief' because isn't it true that there is actually enough? 

Ubuntu. I am because we are. 

My 2 cents: if you haven't already, better figure out what you can do to combat bad energy and people doing bad things. We know what things are bad. Consider yourself a part of the new Underground Railroad. We need one another more than ever. 

If you have any ideas about how the world can be more peaceful, I'd love to hear them. 

Love
kj


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Abundant Love

Today, July 19th, is my beloved daughter's birthday. I could not be prouder of her.



To Jessica

Take both eyes, both hands,
My legs and arms, 
Even take the precious German clock
And every special book.

Take my bank account,
All twenty photo albums,
My garden in August
And the miraculous April rain.

Take it all if you can promise. 
I knew in the instant this would be so.
I’m into any burning house,
On to a frigid raft at sea,
I’m ripping the mangled steel with my bare hands.

Anything, anything for this girl.
The edgeless corners of the truest love
And the endless reserve of cavernous protection
Surround this child who lives within and without,
This fantabulous kid with the crack up wit
And the tender expansive heart.

Take it all, whether you are a son-of-a-bitch
Or an evolving angel, 
Whether the cost is temporary or forever,
Take it all to shelter this child
Through every molecular motion and moment. 

Given the chance to love like this, 
The price of my sightless limbless body
And wiped clean barren possessions
Amounts to nothing more than shiny pennies and
And effortless will